Well, I've done it.
I've come out to someone I've been chatting with, someone I've kindasortamaybe been discussing becoming involved with. And you know, it's funny - up until that moment I wasn't sure how I felt about him: if my feelings for him were favourable towards friendship or were capable of moving in a more crush-like direction.
Once I typed the words, though, it occurred to me that I would be hurt if he stopped talking to me, or stopped considering me as a potential partner, based on my asexuality. I've rejected people before, and been rejected before, and if I'm not yet attached to the person in question, my reaction is usually more along the lines of, "huh. Well, what an asshole. His loss," than "oh man, that really sucks."
I think it would really suck if I lost out with this guy.
posted by asexymama at
2:32 pm
|
5 comments
5 Comments:
Sorry - I realise I'm almost four months late in commenting, which feels a bit ridiculous, but I only just found this blog via your comment on somebody else's.
What I wanted to comment on was the idea that if someone rejects you, that means they're an asshole. I see this a lot, and, while it's understandable, it also strikes me as just plain wrong. It isn't somebody else's _duty_ to be the person you want them to be. If a relationship with another person doesn't work out because he's abusive, or a drinker, or a generally unpleasant person, or whatever, fair dos - go ahead and call him an asshole all you want. But if it doesn't work out just because the two of you want different and incompatible things out of life, that doesn't make him an asshole any more than it makes you one. It just boils down to "well, shit happens".
Sorry it didn't work out, BTW. That does suck.
By
Anonymous, at 24 May 2005 at 06:47
I'm actually in agreement with you on this, but I think the flippant "asshole" remarks are as much a way of dealing with the hurt of rejection (not perceived as relationship failure) as the subsequent pity party with the girls in which we eat too much chocolate. Probably not in the same realm, and probably not appropriate, but the mindset is the same for me, at least.
I also wonder if this type of reaction (not that I have a sample to poll) is more common among people who feel constantly rejected because of characteristics they can't change about themselves. In other words, it's one thing to be rejected because a relationship didn't work out for whatever reason, but I think it's another thing to feel as though the leading factor in your rejection is your weight, or your race, or your sexuality (or lack thereof!). For me, then, the knee-jerk response is as much an angry "oh, man, not again" as anything else.
Like I said, I agree with you. I just wanted to defend myself a bit :).
By
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