I do not think it means what you think it means

It's a little disorienting living in this world as an asexual among sexuals, and coming to learn that the things you feel and the things you say are not the same as the things sexuals mean and say.

The first time I suspected I was a little different was nearly ten years ago, when I was comforting a girlfriend of mine after a particularly nasty breakup with her boyfriend. Talk turned to man-bashing, as it tends to do, and my friend said, "right now the thought of being with another man just makes me sick."

"Yeah," I agreed, having thought the same thing myself more than once. (I can't remember if I was still having sex with my boyfriend at the time or if we had broken up by then. No matter; my feelings about sex didn't change either way.)

"But," my friend added, "the thought of being with another woman is just as disgusting."

Hey, I thought. I'm sure it's not that bad.

Uh, another voice in my head said. Mayday! Mayday! Do not voice that thought aloud!

And that's how I knew I was different. Of course, then I thought I might be gay, or bisexual. After all, if I wasn't disgusted by the thought of sex with women, then that must mean I like the idea of sex with women, or would soon begin to... right?

It wasn't until recently that I realized my feelings about sex are really more like indifference to mild distaste, and have nothing to do with how I feel about the people themselves. What I didn't realize is that people actually feel strongly about who they do and don't want to have sex with, and here I've been using the terminology of sexuality all my life to indicate that I'm slightly inclined towards a person. For shame!

So, a few quick definitions, to set things straight:

Hot-- Usage: "Wow, that guy's hot."
When I use this term to describe someone, I mean that I think they are so attractive they probably even look good sneezing, or in the throes of passion (or other times when a lot of people look downright silly). It does not mean that I want anything to do with the throes of their passion.

It's like people who cry prettily. You know that kind of actor, right: the ones who cry with single tears tracking gracefully down their cheeks? This is as opposed to normal people, whose faces get all snot-filled and red and blotchy. Demi Moore in Ghost cries prettily. Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias? Not so much. Hotness is kinda like that for me.

Cute-- Usage: "You are so cute when you do that."
People who are cute remind me of babies and kittens and generally everything that is good in this world. They make me happy, and there ought to be more of them. Occasionally people who are cute are also hot, but not always. I have a tendency to fall in love with cute people (hot people are boring).

Want-- Usage: "Oh, my God, I want him so bad."
I'm stupid, okay? I didn't even know this had anything to do with sex until I was in my twenties. I honestly thought it meant you wanted to hang out with the person and be close. I'm so embarrassed to think about all the people I've said I wanted, and given the wrong idea to my friends and acquaintances.

(I still use the word, though, and to me it still means "Oh, my God, it would be so fun to talk about literature over coffee and go shopping for CDs and then jam at a concert with him.")

Sexy-- Usage: "That dance move you just did was really sexy."
That dance move you just did made me think you were hot. (see: hot.)

Horny-- Usage: "I'm really horny right now."
Actually, this term means the same thing to me as it does to sexuals, which is why I never use it. Psych!